Blog Entry #7

Pain, agonizing pain. That's all I feel. My stomach feels like it's on fire. I lift my head up and look down to see blood running down me as I lay their, staining my uniform. God, I'm actually dying. This is it. But why? Why did it have to end like this? I only had two more weeks out here in this hell hole. I open my eyes to see the young Vietnamese man I saved only a couple weeks ago lifting me up and yelling for help. I can barely make out my few men I have left taking me to the helicopter to return back to camp. Everything is starting to go black. I can't help but smile although I'm in excrutating pain. I keep remebering all those scared faces on the children when I burned their village. I'm turning into this monster and I don't know how to contain it. My hearing is fading and my body is going numb. I can't even open my eyes. It's dark and cold and I see memories of much happier times going by. So this is death. This is what those men saw. My mind keeps drifting into those darks thoughts and I try to remember how I got shot in the first place. It's all coming back to me now; my own platoon shot me. I was sick and tired of this place so I tried to take out as many Vietnamese as I could whether they were innocent or not. I truly did deserve to die. Well it's up to God to judge my actions. I see some of my dead comrades looking at me with these evil grins. They also went insane in Vietnam. And this is my ending.

Blog Entry #6

Today was the first time talking to my brother in a long time. I was suprised when he wrote to me, discussing his view on our complicated relationship. I wondered what the effect the war had on him; and me being out here in Vietnam. He informed me on how Thelma was doing and how dad was. He talked about how dad was dissapointed in him for not joining as well. It was a bitter sweet suprise. Right as I began writing back to him, an air raid went off. I was running for my dear life, firing back at the Viet Cong that shot at us. I saw my fellow comrades falling down to the ground and not getting up. I just kept running and didn't even bother to look back anymore. I was running as fast as I could to get out of this place. I could make it, I kept telling myself that. All I thought of was my brother and how he needed me to take care of him and to help pay his debts to the police station for all his protests. If I died, who would help him brush his hair and listen to him sing his strange songs? I could live without seeing anyone else but my brother, I knew I'd need to see him just one more time. While running and thinking, I saw this Charlie beating this young Vietnamese man asking him where the Amercians were hiding. The man was crying and claiming he didn't know any Amercians and to take it easy he had to provide for his mom. I aimed my rifle up, pointed it in his direction and fired. I have to admit, I didn't believe I'd actually hit him. But I did; a perfect temple shot. The young man screamed and cried while the lifeless body of the Viet Cong laid there. Normally I wouldn't care much for this people but this one young man reminded me so much of Mason. Am I going insane out here? I heard my platoon coming up from behind me and I assessed the damage.

The Edge of Darkness-Song

The Edge of Darkeness
Lyrics:
I've looked into the eyes of the darkness
Where the red blood journey ends
When you've faced the heart of darkness
Even your soul begins to bend

For a week I have been waiting
Still I am only in Saigon
The walls move in a little closer
 I feel the jungle call me on

Every minute I get weaker
While in the jungle they grow stronger
What I wanted was a mission
And for my sins they gave me one

They brought it up just like room service
'Cause everyone gets what they want
And when that mission was all over
I'd never want another one
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

I know Captian that you've done this work before
We've got a problem you can help us I am sure
The Cononel's gone rogue
And his methods are unsound
You'll take a PBR up river, track him down

There's a conflict in every human heart
And the temptation is to take it all too far
In this war things get so confused
But there are some things which cannot be excused

He's acing like a God, an insane lunatic
Your mission, exterminate with extreme prejudice
Your route is dangerous and your progress may be slow
Here is the file and it's all you need to know
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Here I am the knife in my hand
And now I understand why the genius must die

Now I stand alone in darkness
With is blood upon my hands
Where sat the warrios, the poet
Now lie the fragments of a man

I've looked into the heart of the darkness
Where the blood red journey ends
When you've faced the heart of the darkness
Even your soul begins to bend
I've looked into the heart of the darkness

I chose this song because it is about the Vietnam war and how the stress placed on the soldiers made them go insane. It also goes with my blog because the soldier I'm portaying is starting to slip into a dark part of his mind.

Blog Entry #5

Today I finally saw the small memorial dedicated to some fallen comrades here in Vietnam. I can't even begin to describe the sad pain I felt today. All these dead soldiers, and thinking about what they could've made of themselves once they got back home. All the family they left behind. Their children that will grow up without knowing their dad. Then I look around at all the Vietnamese men, knowing that a majority of them are Viet Cong. Do they care about these fallen men? I look at them and I'm so emotionally and physically drained that I can't even muster up any anger towards them. I'm realizing day by day to act just like them. Emotionless. Cold hearted. I'm not the same guy I use to be. What would Thelma say if she saw me act like this? Would Mason try to sit me down and drink herbal tea and sing out my feelings? None of them would understand me right now. Imade a promise to myself that I intend to keep; I will somehow touch the lives of all these fallen soldiers families. I'll visit the wives and parents and send Christmas gifts to their kids. I'll act as a father figure to them when they need one. I can't even begin to describe what I'll do. All I know if that this little memorial site has the wheels in my mind turning.

Blog Entry #4

Well today was pretty rough for me. My platoon and I were out near Laos on regular patrol when we heard gunfire. We immedtialey began to return fire but smoke and thick trees made it nearly impossibe to see and I was unfortunetly shot in my right thigh right below my butt cheek. I began to fall and somehow managed to twist my ankle on the way down. I knew I'd be fine but I worried about this young private that recently joined us. The poor guy looked so scared. He didn't even fire his weapon. He just stood there shaking and then sat down and began to cry. Although I was in agonizing pain, I took pity on him. Back in the US, joining the military is glamorized by fighting the enemy and returning with new found honor. Ask any soldier and he'll tell you otherwise. Soon enough the gunfire seised and my men began to help me back to camp. I looked to my left and in the mud I see fallen soldiers getting their bodies picked up for proper burial. At that very moment I realized why I was so grateful my brother wasn't here. I couldn't imagine him lying there lifeless and cold.

Opinion

My own personal opinion abbout this war is that it has absolutely no point. Why are we here? What are we fighting for? We're fighting for people that don't even want us here. Why should I risk my life here with these people who don't even want me to help them? There's pregnant women with machine guns and little children with stuffed animals with grenades in them. To be honest, I don't know why there is a war. I don't even know why Amercia is involved. I wish someone could explain it to me. My brother doesn't feel that there is a point to war at all. He's more of some peace loving mother earth type of hippie. Today he sent me a care package and it contained some food,a couple pictures and this guitar. Maybe I should've joined him on his peace movement.

Autobiography Post

Hello, my name is Gregory Ross and I serve as Brigadier General in the Marine Corps. I was born March 27th 1944. I was drafted on my eighteenth birthday and soon enough I was thrown into the battle field. By nineteen I served as Major and on my twenieth birthday I was finally promoted to the position I am in now. I have a wife named Thelma Ross and a brother named Mason Adam Ross. Ever since I could remember I've always raised my brother. He's only a year younger than me but acts like a child. My brother and I don't see eye to eye on the war and he often wonders why I decided to join. Before I was ashamed of my brother, I always thought he was a coward for not fighting just as the men in our family had but now I'm starting to understand him. I just wish I could tell him that before I die out here. Before I got to Vietnam I thought I knew why I wanted to join; to serve my country just as my father and grandfather had but once I got here I started to realize I'm fighting a war with no point. I can't let my men know that's how I feel.Although it's hard to believe, I rose through the ranks without much of a problem. My daily life consists of protecting my comrades and praying to God I stay alive. My job puts an enormous amount of stress on me and I reminse on times of peace and being at home with my wife. She's a nurse and is probably the most compassinate women I've ever met. All the men tell me how lucky I am to have a women I'm coming home to. I can't even count how many Charlies I've killed; they all start to look the same. Everyday I see my men die out here and I can't help but feel angry at the United States for getting involved with this stupid war. I just wish I had a reason to keep fighting.